You think Internet is easy? What if I tell you that you have been doing Internet wrong all your life. Wait! Are you an Indian? Are you interested in politics? Do you blindly follow any superstar/politician or religion? You already know it then. For the rest of you guys, here is a quick 5 step guide on “How to Internet”. Take a hint:
1. You are nothing if you cannot change someone’s opinion:
Do you think you have achieved a lot in your life after a doctorate degree in rocket science? What if I tell you that’s nothing? You have literally done nothing unless you have changed someone’s opinion. And no, we are not talking about doing it the old way. Do it on a social network, be it Facebook or Twitter. People come on the internet with a lot of misjudged opinions about your favorite politician or superstar. The best way to deal with their ignorance is to attack their view and impose your opinion on them. They should never be able to have their own opinion. Remember: Your opinion is the only correct one and that should prevail.
2. Be outraged over smallest of things!
What is the meaning of life? No one knows. We all live our life in the most random and meaningless way. You can give a whole new meaning to your life by getting offended to the slightest of things you see on The internet. Did someone make a joke on your favorite celebrity? Did someone point a finger on your favorite politician for doing nothing? Did someone hurt your patriotic feeling by pointing what your country has been doing wrong? There you go. Get offended on it, post it everywhere on social media, accuse them of sexism, casteism or being an anti-national. It’s not about them, after all; the whole point of taking offense is to make it about you.
3. React to headlines without reading the content!
To properly master the art of Internet, you must never waste time in reading contents. If any headline says something provocative, immediately react to it. Always remember, there are much more like you. To nail the art of Internet, you should be the first one to be offended by the title and post filthy comments. If you try to read the content, there is a high chance you wouldn’t understand it and even if you do, someone would be brainwashing you. So, why take the trouble? Just react over the title.
4. Share articles without verifying the fact!
This is the golden rule on Internet: Everything you read on The internet is entirely true.
You don’t need to cross check any facts before posting it on the Internet. Your time is valuable and you shouldn’t be wasting any of it in verifying some facts on the internet. Those are true anyway. Instead, share those articles with confidence and pride. Let losers say whatever they want to.
And yes, UNESCO declared Indian National Anthem to be the best of them all. Did you know that? Go share it now.
5. You don’t have to care about the “line”!
You seriously don’t have to care about what an acceptable behavior is. You are always right and you don’t need any principles to do what you are doing. When you are doing the internet, be quick to judge any practices that others are doing. Highlight them on social media as a way to show your authority. Also, take special care to avoid showing any empathy and compassion. This can go against you.
And there you go. These 5 highly recommended full proof practises will make sure you are doing Internet the right way.