An example of an honest conversation with WebMD, the most ruthless doctor ever!
Me: Hey WebMD, I am currently having a severe headache and slight fever. Is there anything to worry?
WebMD: Based on the symptoms you have stated, you could have any of the 50,000 illnesses but Brain Tumor sounds highly probable in your case. Good to know you are still using The Internet. Die young, happy and always stay worry free. UNTIL THE MOMENT YOU DIE!
Me: Hey WebMD, I have slight pain in my back along with muscular pain and fever. What should I do?
WebMD: There is nothing much to worry about. Your symptoms indicate diseases varying from a viral infection to a TERMINAL DISEASE. And since we do not have much idea on what could the disease actually be, we shall go with Cancer. It’s killing your cells and hence the body pain. Have a good day!
Me: My girlfriend is experiencing some cramps although her periods got over last week. What could be the reason?
WebMD: Congratulations! You are going to become a father. She is pregnant.
Me: How is that even possible? She just had her periods.
WebMD: Have you heard of Jesus Christ? He was born of a virgin. Shall I say more?
Me: Damn! What should I do now? Should I die?
WebMD: Sure! Just give me some minor symptom of yours and I will make sure you do.
Me: Forget about it, I am losing my appetite and get tired very easily. What could be the reason?
WebMD: You have got AIDS. I knew that you didn’t use a condom. Can you relate to your previous query now?
Me: Shut up! I have always used protection and I am not going to be a father anytime soon. I am done with this shit. No matter what kind of symptoms I give, you always make sure it’s depressing enough to kill myself. I am going out of here. I am not going to ask you anymore thing. Just get away from my face.
WebMD: Chill mate! I was just trying to help you. And speaking of depression, we have partnered with Amazon, would you like to buy a rope and a stool? The money is on us. Don’t worry about it.
Image source: Medium