Have you ever been in a situation where you want to change someone for good and not sound like a contracending idiot at the same time?
I am sure you have been there. Don’t worry we all have been there and it certainly feels like a hanging situation where we clearly are confused about our next move. Because you just can’t remind people and tell them what to do. It might sound quite simple on paper but it doesn’t just work. We all have that arrogant child inside us which doesn’t like to be ruled or to be given directions.
How to go about it then?
Let’s take a daily life example. You are the manager at your office and you have an employee who just doesn’t work unless you remind him over and over again. If you were your basic self who would just aim to change him, the situation would look something like this:
You: Can’t you complete the work at scheduled time? I have been telling you this for the past many days but you still don’t improve.
Him: Sorry, I will try to better.
Did that sound rude? Of course it did. But What options did you have? You had to get the work done and if someone doesn’t listen continuously, you need to take stricts actions.
Having said that, Let’s just try the other way out. Let’s not try to influence him rather than trying to impose our thoughts and change him. The conversation would go something like this.
You: Hey, Thanks for sending me the report. It really helps. Thanks. And It would have been awesome if we could speed up the process, Thanks anyway.
Him: Thanks a lot Sir. I would try to do it better next time.
Did you notice the difference?
It’s really hard to keep from complaining, but as long as negative feedback is not necessary, try not to. Instead, wait until you see the behavior you prefer, then give positive feedback.
This way of doing things works even when you’ve never talked about what people are doing that you don’t like.
A lot of people would call this cheating or fraud since it’s apparently “playing with words” and tricking them into believing you.
But Is it really so?
No. You are not manipulating someone, you are just using positivity to communicate and using that way to communicate since people seem to accept this way. In psychological terms, We call this “Positive reinforcement” where a desirable event or stimulus is presented as a consequence of a behavior and the behavior tends to increase.
And who doesn’t like to be appreciated after all? We all have been brought up lured by chocolates and toys. The inner child which wanted those still craves for that attention and love. We still tend to work for appreciation.
Morever, it has consequences greater than any personal good. The more you try to spread love and affection among the people you communicate to, the more chances are of you receiving it back.
Love is the best example of butterfly effect where even a single drop of love can cause a heavy ripple in the pond of humanity. In the times of war and hatred, love can solve almost everything. If not for any personal gains, why not do it for humanity? Let’s start this trend where we only talk about love and with love.