When I am free, when I let myself lose in the sea of thoughts, I start hating myself. I start cursing myself even more. Things should have been better by now. The mental scars in my head should have healed by now. It hurts me to realize I am still stuck there. The time has passed but clearly I haven’t. I have begun to lose hope. It still hurts me.
Doesn’t it hurt to read a passage like this? It’s impactful, it’s disturbing and the saddest part is that it’s a part of the life for most of the people.
At times like these, you feel nothing other than remorse, dejection and an endless train of thought. You constantly tend to talk to yourself,
“Why is it me?”
“Why can’t I still recover from it?”
“Why am I forced to live this life?”
You have tried everything. You constantly talk to your friends, you try to engage yourself in productive work, party outside but it always ends the same way. The moment you lie down to sleep, all you can see is emptiness, self-doubt, and hatred. No matter how hard you try, you fail to be asleep. You constantly stare at the ceiling in a dark room trying to recall everything that happened and imagine what would you be today if not for that incident. The day passes by but nothing changes. The melancholy continues.
What can I do?
Frankly speaking, It would be a lie if I tell you these 5 steps can get you rid of every negative thought and you would be back to your old self again. Truth be told, you are currently at a war with yourself where you are the warrior and you are the victim too. You have wounds which are torn daily and it would take ample amount of time to heal. But the healing can be catalyzed by following a certain path of enlightenment.
Realize you are playing the victim here!
After you have acknowledged that you are at a war with yourself, you need to realize you are playing the role of the warrior and the victim here. The first step towards healing is coming to terms with what’s happening in your life. Let yourself know that. Let yourself realize you are the one hurting yourself mentally and only you are capable of limiting that warrior. If there is anyone who can stop the war, it’s you. Constantly remind yourself that you have the authority of your thoughts and your life. Realizing this about yourself will help you understand that only you have potential to change your life and no one else is going to do it for you.
And it’s no way near to what they show in movies. Meditation doesn’t necessarily mean to sit under a Banyan tree without a single hint of water and food for days. Meditation is simply an act of focusing on one thing at a time. The current situation you are in has put you under a lot of stress, you feel lost and swayed. This is where meditation comes to the rescue. All you need to do is try to focus your attention towards something singular. The best way to achieve this is by closing your eyes and imagining your thoughts in the form of blocks of a jigsaw puzzle. Once you can visualize this, begin to see those pieces falling apart and floating away from your head. Keep yourself focused till you feel complete singularity. This usually takes 2-3 tries before you get proficient with it. Once you are in touch with this process, you would begin to be in control of your thoughts and emotions.
One of the biggest reason of you unable to move on is because you are still stuck in that dreamy land. You still believe there is hope, you still feel something miraculous will happen and things will begin to flow in your favor. And this is where optimism can be the biggest culprit for depression. You need to understand and accept that the time has changed. No matter what your inner instincts tell you, nothing will change until you do. When you are stuck in the dreamy land, all your focus and energy is being wasted in empty space. You need to be more accepting of yourself.
It’s okay if you committed a blunder. It’s okay if things didn’t turn your way. We all do mistaked and we learn from them. Some marks maybe permanent but they should never stop you from taking risks which would make the marks shallow in coming days.
We all know how our emotions drive our life. The way we think and react often decides the kind of life we are living. The current stage you are in involves a lot of fatigue, overthinking and sadness. Well, the good thing is that you know its cause. In order to let go of negativity inside you, you need to change your thinking process and what can work better than similar actions? Our body and mind reacts to the kind of work we are doing and releases dopamine, endomorphin; the pleasure hormones.
To feel good about yourself, practice positivity. And this could be through the smallest of efforts. Try helping people around you, or those in need. Try saying Thank You to people for their actions. Make people feel good about themselves. These actions might feel quite small for the time being but it has very large implications.
All in all, there is only one thing I would like to say.
It’s okay. There is nothing outside of you that can make you happy. There is nothing outside of this moment that can make you feel satisfied. Stop looking for anyone and any time other than that.