The entire definition of love surrounds around being selfless and “all-giving” for that other person. And we all have experienced it too. Being in love, you often feel like going an extra mile to make the other person feel comfortable and loved. We make sure the other person gets the due attention they deserve along with the shower of affection. I feel this should define love in general? Fair enough.
Now apply the same thing on yourself. Love yourself the same way you have been longing to do to others. And you might have been said that a lot. Love yourself to reach new heights in life, love yourself to achieve your goal and all your life, you would only ask yourself,
“Wouldn’t that be narcissistic and egoistic?”
It definitely would be. Once you start loving yourself in the manner we just explained love, you would become a self-loathing personality who would never want to grow because of the ego overflow. No marks for guessing, no one would want to be that person.
How does that quote make sense then?
Let’s talk again about what love is.
Is love about obsession? Is love about jealousy? Is love a selfish act of satisfying your physical and mental needs? No? Why call it love then?
Over the years, We have termed love as a feeling which often has to do with your body or with the infinite wants of your brain. No. Let’s not do that. Let’s not pollute the meaning of love.
Love is simple. It is a careless act of helping someone without expecting anything in return and it has nothing to do with gender or age or any boundaries. Love is infinite.
Why should we love ourselves then?
It’s because we generally tend to find ourselves in others. It’s a human tendency to expect the other person to think on the same lines that you do. The same rule applies for love too. We often expect the other person to love us in the same way we do and this is the biggest mistake we all commit. In fact, it is the prime cause of breakups. People keep expecting things that are never going to happen, the frustration piles up and the “love” suddenly collapses.
If we start loving ourselves, the same thing begins to reflect on others as well. Most often, the negative thoughts and energy we pass on to others is a manifest of the frustration we have been building inside us.
Unloving behavior towards your loved ones mostly stems from the problems you have with yourself. Tiredness, anger, perfectionism, shame and anxiety get in the way of love.
Not loving yourself would never enable you to have a happy relationship because you would keep on expecting things that could never be done, you would keep on building hopes that could never grow and the frustration would eventually destroy you and the relationship.
Start loving yourself and you would know how easy it is to accept the reality of it. You would eventually begin to learn sprout love in everything you see and touch because you are carrying that inside you. The dynamo of your personality would change and you would begin to glow both from outside and inside which you and in fact, everyone around you can see.
And if you are lost about how to give it a kickstart, let’s start in a dynamic way.
It starts with self-acceptance:
One of the most important elements of love is accepting your loved ones as they are. Love can never be complete without you accepting the other person with all the flaws they have and in fact embracing it. The same applies to you. You need to accept yourself in the purest form that you are in, without any alterations and without any virtual image of what you want to be. Once you do that, you would start accepting yourself with flaws. You would begin to feel the need to carry on with perfection and contentment. This is the point where you begin to experience self-love. Once you start loving yourself, the reflection could be seen on others as well, you would be able to accept them as whatever they are and purest form of love would arise.
We often expect love to be a carrier of compassion and care. And when we are talking about self-love, we have to talk about self -care. In order to love yourself, you need to take care of yourself as well. Start looking for what you want and taking care of yourself mentally. Talk to yourself, calm yourself down at the times of chaos and pamper yourself. Only when you develop these traits inside you, you would begin to replicate the same onto others.
Stand up for yourself!
In a relationship, We often talk about standing up for the person in love in times of disturbance or when we are lost. The same applies to you here. Take a vow to stand up to your demands. There would definitely be windy nights where you need someone to hold on. Make that someone yourself. Give yourself a helping hand and motivate yourself at a time when you can’t even see any pinch of love. Go up to that extent till you have enough faith in yourself to help others.
Only when you are strong enough to calm your storms, you can be able to help others do it. Because love is about spreading and love is about helping. Keep spreading it and keep passing on love to every person you meet. But always remember, you need to love yourself first.