Neckties. We all have a love hate relationship with them. Be it me in school saying to my friends everyday in the morning assembly that ties are nooses, added to our uniform in a conspiracy by the council to promote student suicide; or Ranbir Kapoor trying to use ties as an allegory to the leash of professionalism in the movie Tamasha, we all hate them. Agree or disagree, there must have been a time in your life too when you have pulled at you ties in frustration just to vent out your professional frustration.

But there is something magical to them. Term me Gothic or Victorian, I think that there is a sort of magnificent aura to the act of tying a tie.

Mulahiza farmaiyega.

It’s not the tie which is magnificent but the actual Act of tying it. The tie after it has been knotted looks, pardon me for my words, like a noose. Unless of course, it’s an highly sophisticated knot like the Eldredge knot or the fishbone knot, the average tie looks too plain and boring.

I agree with everyone that tying an Eldredge knot is time consuming and a great pain in an anatomical region which for some unknown, godforsaken reason has become a slang as well as abuse in our language of English. It’s strange how curses and abuses are formed, I tell you.

But the act of tying a tie is a magnificent sight to watch. Listen how.

Firstly, how often do you find that a man who follows professional ethics sits at his elaborate elegant desk with his collars up! The act of tying the tie requires a person to pull their collars up and that in itself is a must to see sight. Imagine Warren Buffet waking up every morning and ends his dress up with his collars up as if he is some Indian tapori. Warren bhai, boleto aaj kis company ko tapkane ka haiTum bas naam lo bhai, aoun uski bhajiya tal dega.

Secondly, there is something elegant in the act of tying a tie. For example, riding a Harley, swinging your golf stick, taking that pool shot, *admits with a cringe* smoking a pipe, having a pocket-collar, wearing an ascot tie. It’s elegant. It emits an aura of decency. And let’s agree that having a real ascot tie, is not what everyone can have; which makes the act of tying a tie the most easy manner to look elegant.

Let me share a story, every morning when my father dresses to go to the office, he takes his bath, dresses formally, has his breakfast and wears his shoe. I am not interested in all these but when it comes to the star of the show; the act of him tying the tie, I make sure that I watch him do it.

Every morning when I get dressed to go to college, I try to look as elegant as my father while I tie my tie. Somehow, it does not comes out as elegant as with my father, despite all my efforts to imitate him. The way he sits on that chair with his collars up and his fingers moving with the agility of a weaver and his aura elegant.

And I commit the act of monkey see, monkey do. With my feet up on the chair, my body covered in blonde hair, my beady eyes looking wildly here and there, with a collar on my neck and my hands fumbling along with a tie. Which ultimately looks no better than the knot I tie on my shoe. To think of it, I actually may be the monkey. After all I am the monkey from the Infinite Monkey Theorem, clicking away at a typewriter and ultimately producing this post with Shakespearean fineness.

My last paragraph makes me wonder though; there really may be a conspiracy behind wearing ties. Like a huge inside joke. After all the ties may actually be representing the leashes of professionalism. Why else would the place where they are tied called “collars” you think?

Hmmmmm…

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