This is not only my story and this story is not only about relationships either. It happens to all of us. We all can relate to the feeling of looking forward to something, trying too hard for it, and feeling amazing once we have got it. But unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. Like it’s often said,
The beauty lies in journey and not the destination.
Once we have achieved something, things get monotonous and there comes the stagnation. This is the point our mind starts wandering over something new and here lies the root of all problems.
This is also why so many relationships fail these days. And the consequence is pretty obvious too. We all end up feeling depressed and fretful.
This also holds true for every other thing we possess. We get bored with smartphones, Television, cars, bikes and even our job. No matter how good they are, we would still crave to want more.
And we are not completely to be blamed for this. Blame evolution. If people didn’t have a predisposition toward advancement, we would have died off long ago from disease and lion attacks because cavemen would have discovered how to make fire and just quit trying new things forever, instead of inventing effective medicine and anti-lion battle axes.
This cost of ambition and improvement is actually hampering our inner peace and it has a name too according to psychology.
It is the psychological phenomenon of boredom and dissatisfaction taking hold over time as we adjust to positive life changes. And you do not need to feel guilty about it. We all suffer from this. This is why the person who once gave you intense “butterfly in the tummy” feeling can turn into a feel nothing mate. It’s also the same reason why the brand new car you bought 5 years ago seems boring now.
That sucks! What can we do for this?
This sounds highly demotivating and depressing, doesn’t it? “Since it’s too hard maintaining a good relationship, why should we even try?” You would ask.
We all solicit happiness and we all have a fair idea of shuffling between unhealthy relationships is never going to give us happier. The only thing we can gain is discontentment and sadness. A few months back, I talked about why relationships in modern age suck and knowing that we need to come up with a solution. For happiness and self-satisfaction.
What’s the essence of evolution? Adaptation, right? Adapting to things that work the best for us. And this is where we should act as dominant and intelligent species. The relationship involves two people and we should always remember that’s “two different people”. No matter how firmly we believe in the concept of soulmates, it would still be two different beings coming together. They would have different needs, different choices, and different aspirations. Imposing your thoughts on the other person and not giving them enough space to think is one of the primary causes of why relationships fail. To make it work, understand human psychology to its best. Your partner wouldn’t exactly love the same thing as you do. The sooner we understand this, the better off we are.
Another biggest trouble we face is discontentment. People generally think of getting a new partner, their problems would be solved. However, the true essence of a relationship lies in understanding and sorting out problems rather than leaving it unattended. And like we talked about earlier, a relationship would always involve two people and hence there would always be differences.
Thus, trying to make up for some differences by shuffling between relationships can never give you eternal happiness. Happiness comes with peace of mind and staying content with what you have is the only way out. It’s definitely not easy controlling our urges but we need to ask ourselves repeatedly, “Would that make me happy not now but forever?” and you would end up on the right track.