What’s common with Drake, Adele, Taylor Swift and countless other singers? Yes, They are all famous and have a huge fan following. Another common thing is their obsession with writing songs about breakups, bad relationships, loneliness, and promiscuity. We all can relate to it and the songs top the chart every time. Let us now recall the situation 20-30 years back. We were used to watching series and listening to songs about true love and long term relationships. Our childhood media made our understanding of what love is which is contrary to what is portrayed now.

But something went wrong. These supposedly self-actualized, committed relationships, began to corrode and shatter. We began to see divorce rates skyrocketing and our faith in love and marriage soon started fading away. We came out with a simple assumption that love is doomed, what’s the point of even trying?

Instead of strong and meaningful relationships, we now struggle through a long series of bad dates and hookups. Instead of talking our problems out, we simply choose to “not reply back”. Instead of working collective in a relationship, we choose to act selfish and choose our personal will instead of thinking for the team. We no longer commit, we “see” and “hang out” with each other. We are complicit in a dating culture that talks about every kind of intimacy without any commitment. Driven by a complex mixture of technology, sexual liberation, distrust of marriage, focus on career, and increasing freedom of travel, we have a relationship climate that is corroding with each passing day.

What’s the reason behind this?

Many of us would argue that with the advancement in technology, it’s easier to connect to many people at one point of time. This gives us the opportunity to find a better partner for ourselves by going through better options.We stumble through hookups to fill the space until we “find the person we’re looking for. We are not looking for love, we are rather chasing people. One night, two night and three-night stands are no big deal, we’re just having fun with no strings attached. We get intimated by everything we like in the opposite sex, but we never give the other person a chance to express themselves long enough to get to know their true selves.

We say we are looking for “the right person” through this, that we would like to seek true love and get married one day, but everything we are doing is making our task, even more, difficult. When we prioritize sex or physical intimacy over mental intimacy or getting to know each other better, we are actually disintegrating the value of intimacy. We are are encouraging distant connections and that’s not how term relationship works.

What can be done?

It would be extremely shameful to term the modern dating scenario as “desperate”. We date people because we are lonely, not because we have found the one. We always want to have our options open even if we are committed because that’s how it works. It can burn away anytime and hence we must be ready. This corrodes the relationship even further. However, understanding a few things could help out a lot of people:

  • Lust  and beauty fades away with time. Don’t make this the basis for your relationship. It might be fun and frolic for some time but would only exist till your partner is not bored.
  • Try being emotionally vulnerable and honest with your partner. When you are being emotionally detached with your partner, you are never establishing any connection.
  • Talk your problems out, discuss them and eventually throw them off the cliff instead of “blocking” and “not texting back”. A problem unsolved spreads like a virus.

 

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